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| Long time no see, seeing as how the last story kinda is dead now i think its time to start a new one.
My name is Ishmael. Well no not quite. My name's Chris Thomas, but thats not important. His name is Aeshae, or at least thats what everyone called him. But he always wasn't sure that was his "true name". The boy or more accuratly the young man, who i've just pointed out to you... you don't see him? there you see the kid with the shaggy brown hair, sorta tall, sorta short? Right there, no not the fat guy. The kid behind the guy with the monkey. No thats an old woman. The other guy with the monkey. There you go. You made me lose my train of thought. So Aeshae, who wasn't sure if that was his true name, *hint hint to the next author*, was your normal everyday band geek. He spent most of his time in the bandroom talking to friends. Practicing. goofing off, and mostly just staying there untill all hours of the night. That's what got him into all this trouble in the first place.
One day, i think it was two days after yesterday, he was sitting there talking to his friends, not going home, avoiding moving and all that jazz, when someone came up with the crazy notion to go through the black tunnel behind the cabinets. For all you unegdamicated people who have not explored the deep recesses of the band room, there is a dark tunnel, behind the cabinets. Many a careless percussionist has stubled across it, with dire consequences. Back behind the timpany, behind the drums and random old mellophone cases, behind the random carpet padding, there's a tunnel that not even the bravest band nerd dare enter. It was exactly the kind of adventure that a bored band nerd would love to enbark on. Now Sarah, who didn't have name problems and probably never would, the one who suggested this crazy and dangerous bit of fun, was getting kinda bored with the band room and, against all her friends constant urging not to, wanted to move. And that was that, they decided to go through the tunnel. Of course not everyone wanted to, and after the mad rush for the jazz band room, there remained 3 kids, Our man, Aeshae, Sarah, and Bob, a girl who was in desperate need of a new name for obvious reasons. Together they embarked past the timpani, past the mellocases and past the carpet padding and crawled to the edge of the tunnel.
"I'll go first, shall I?" ask Aeshae. The others just nodded at him in hushed fear. With that he crawled into the tunnel. And disapearred from sight.
"Think we should follow him?" asked Bob
"Yeah, lets go" and with that Sarah also crawled through the tunnel. Steeling herself and silently passing gas before crawling through, Bob followed Sarah through the tunnel.
"Wow" was the first word think said when she got there looking at the scene in front of her, the next thing she said was "shit", because right after she got through the tunnel it closed off and disappeared leaving no trace that it had ever been there.
"I have a feeling we aren't in the band room anymore" insightfully stated Sarah. As they all just gapped and stared at the landscape in front of them.
*****any volunteers? | | |
| Muffins signing on for Chapter 4. First off: I, unlike the other authors, will actually use proper grammar in my chapter. Considering the fact that this is a story, I'm going to do it right. Second: I changed all the stars you retards put in the word 'fuck' because editing cuss words is dumb. It's like those edited movies on TV where they substitute dumb words like 'chicken' or 'rump.' Now on to Chapter 4
Chapter 4: The World of Souls
Ralph flipped around, about to shoot again. But something stopped him. He looked in her eyes and his finger froze on the trigger. It was The Girl from Coffee Affair.
"Who are you?" asked Ralph.
"Just call me The Girl," said The Girl. "They're not dead, you know."
"How in the name of Chris Thomas are they not dead? I shot them." Ralph replied with roughness in his voice.
"No, you didn't shoot them. You shot their souls. Ralph, you have the ability to enter a world. A world no one else has access to. You can see the souls of people, and you can kill the souls of people. With a simple gun shot their souls are destroyed, yet their bodies remain."
She pointed to her left. Ralph looked and saw Phil, sitting motionless at a table.
"He has no soul. No emotion, no love, no weariness of what surrounds him. You have destroyed him. Souls are what give us life, Ralph. Without them, we are meaningless."
"Does this mean I don't have to destroy Sauramort?" Ralph questioned.
"No. You still must destroy him. Just like Phil his body lives. And as long as his body lives, his body reigns. Thus the evil in the world will become even more evil, for now Sauramort has no emotion nor feeling. You must find him and destroy him. But no one must know! No one but you and I. We shall make codenames for Sauramort and Albus. Those names no longer exist. They must now be known as Steve and Adam."
"What about Phil?" he said.
"Phil? PHIL?! Who cares about Phil! Phil is still Phil. Now, we must prepare you for your journey. Come."
Ralph walked three paces then stopped. "Wait," he said softly. She turned and looked at him.
"What? We don't have time, Ralph. We must hurry." she replied.
"How did you know? About me and the World of Souls? How did you know?" he questioned bashfully.
"Because I created you..."
END CHAPTER 4 | | |
| Tom here. i commandeered this site temporarily because andy's not online right now and i'm going to go ahead and probably ruin this story. and ethan, you can't conceal a winchester. so i changed it to a Desert Eagle.
Hokay.
Albus and Ralph walked camly across several lanes of traffic to the other side of the road. Albus stopped Ralph and said "Flamboyance!" suddenly an open door appeared on the opposite side of the road.
"Fuck! I always do that!" exclaimed Albus. the two crossed the street again and entered the door, closing it behind them. they had entered some deep part of the forest. "come this way." Albus led Ralph into a small clearing, with light beams peering from the treetops onto a pedestal-looking stump directly in the center. "This is your day, Ralph. The day you've no doubt been waiting for your whole life!" Albus led Ralph over to the pedestal and picked an object off of it. Albus handed a wooden bowl to ralph.
"i've been waiting my whole life for a lousy bowl?"
"No, this is not any ordinary bowl! it's a wooden bowl made of the finest aspen from the cottonwood canyon. some say it has magical powers. but it doesn't. you can, however, put chips, or even pretzels in it! just don't put it in the dishwasher. it will lose it's luster.
"Oh! great... Wait a minute. i was going postal when i suddenly got blasted by a wizard. what the hell happened? is this some sort of dream?"
"oh, no. i'm afraid it is quite real. Sauramort has had his eye on you for quite some time. he sees in you the potential to end his reign of evil! you and i are the only ones he fears, now."
"well if he's afraid of you, why don't you stop him?"
"my magic is not the right kind of magic needed to stop him. only you can truly end his evil reign! you must face him when you are ready." and with that, gandledor vanished, and ralph was returned to the sight of the "accident." The mail truck was still a can of monkey cheese (whatever that is), and the police were nowhere to be found. So ralph clutched onto his new chip bowl and began strolling down cin-day, thumb out.
Well no one picked him up, and he walked all the way into old west chester, and had a seat at A Coffee Affair (or coffee fair, whatever works, ethan).he reached into his pocket, and realized his wallet was in the mail truck when it turned into a can of cheese. the girl at the register was a sucker for guys in uniform, however, and gave him a drink on the house.
As ralph sat, drinking his coffee, he wondered, "how am i supposed to fight an insanely powerful evil wizard? and when will i know when i'm ready."
a voice rang inside ralph's head saying, "you will never be ready. you didn't know i could read minds, did you?"
suddenly, ralph's surroundings changed again. he was in the Lakota East parking lot. the first thing he thought was "what are these stupid blue lines for...?" anyway, ralph looked up to see the evil sauramort towering just a few feet from him. sauramort lifted his staff and began poking ralph in the ribs with the pointy end. ralph pulled out his D. Eagle and shot sauramort 3 times. he died before he hit the ground.
Suddenly, a voice behind him said, "Most impressive!" Ralph turned and shot once before he knew what he was doing. he then realized that he had just killed the nice white wizard. then a kid came running up to him saying, "That was awesome! I'm Phil Sinitean and I want to be your friend!" Ralph plugged him one, too.
Ralph then heard a sultry voice coming from behind him saying, "that was very impressive. a turn-on, you might say. hehe."
ok, andy. now you can have it. i got rid of those long confusing names for you. i got rid of phil, too. | | |
| This is Chris and i'm sorry everyone i'm in a fantasy kind of mood.
when a white blast of light threw the postal truck off the side of the road, and suddenly Ralph was flung onto the ground 50 feet from his truck which strangely had just turned into a can of monkey cheese. Dazed and extremely confused, Ralph looked to see what could have possible flung him 50 feet in the air and turned his truck into a can of cheese. When he finally did see what could have flung him in 50 feet in the air and turned his truck into a can of cheese he immediately wished he hadn't. Walking toward him was a man. If Ralph had meet him in a bar he would have immediately flung himself or the man, out the window whichever was easiest. and judging from the mans appearance throwing himself out of the window himself would have been easier and probably have hurt less too. Perhaps now would be a good time to tell you why Ralph thought that. The man walking toward him was dressed in all black. Not like the matrix all black, no. He had the full length trench coat and all, but he didn't wear it like Neo. And it wasn't the punk, gothic all black either. It looked like he had invented the all black look. It looked as if he wasn't wearing the black cloths, but that the black was wearing him. He had an expression on his face of sheer joy, not the kind you get when it's you're birthday and you're opening all your presents. the kind of joy some people get when they are in utter control of the situation. Where they can do anything they want. The kind of joy that is caused by causing other people pain and suffering. All in all this man was not someone you would want to play strip poker with. which would be impossible anyway cause he wouldn't be able to get the black off.
Anyway, now that the bad guy has been amply described, Ralph rolled over and tried, shakily to get back to his feet. Now at this point you have to realize that Ralph had just been flung 50 feet from a truck going at about 89 mph. He wasn't in the best of shape.
"Yes, that's right try to stand up." said the dark man in a voice that was pure evil, yes pure evil not like quasi evil like Sauramon or Sauron who i'm not sure if you hear.... no this was a pure evil voice, take the evil from every villain you've ever heard and then record them saying the same thing and then play it back all together. Yeah it's kinda like that. And it wasn't shockingly refreshing lemon lime. As he spoke he held up his black staff, sorry forget to mention he had a staff, it was so black that it seemed to remove the light from around it. Are you getting the impression that this guy is evil yet? anyway as he said this and then after he help up his staff, Ralph was flung another 50 feet in the air and came to another rather not soft landing. At this point Ralph was not in the bast shape, by any stretch of the imagination.
"Ha and you're supposed to be my downfall. You can't even stand up." and with that a laugh came from his mouth that as with the voice imagine all the villains laughing blah blah. "Now im going to finish you off and my power will be unchallenged." again the laugh. and with those words he appeared at Ralph's side and raised his staff up to cast a fatal curse. Ralph cringed away but the blow never came. Instead he heard a voice that sounded strangely like Gandalfs.
"Pick on someone you're own size, Sauramort" Cried the White wizard who just appeared. Now remember my description of Sauramort, well take all that and flip it and you have the white wizard.
"Ah, Albus Gandledor. I was wondering when you'd intervene." And with that Sauramort flung himself at Gandledor and they fought. and they fought and the fought. Okay let me describe the fight it was exactly unlike a wrestling match. Finally after much fighting and blowing things up and turning things into cheese, Sauramort turned to Gandledor and said "You may have thwarted me this time but you can't watch him forever. sooner or later i will get him and finish what i've started." and with that he disappeared.
"Well what are you waiting for get up." said gandledor as he chuckled at seeing ralph sprawled on the ground. "Come with me I have something to show you." and with that they too disappeared leaving a very confused can of monkey cheese behind them.
and the next victim is........ Vincent, or Andy as he is more commonly known, wait sorry nevermind Toms got the next bit then andy. | | |
| Okay, here's the story. Chris, since you're the password master, feel free to pick up after this. I know it's long, but it's a start. Take it off in a crazy direction everybody. Here it goes:
RALPH THE POSTAL GUY AND THE BLOODY CRAZY MUTANT NONSENSE DISASTROUS ADVENTURE OF DOOM!!!
"Once upon a time, there was a man named Ralph. Ralph drove to work every day in his truck, whose name was Jerry. Ralph loved Jerry, and Jerry loved him back. But, in hindsight, that has very, VERY little to do with the story, so just stop and forget that I ever mentioned that the truck was named Jerry. Ready? Okay, you're free to go on.
So Ralph drove to work every day in his truck. He worked at the post office, you see, so upon arriving at work, he had to get out of his truck and go get into the postal vehicle. He stopped to play a few games of strip poker with the other postal employees, and won the life savings off of one of the new immigrant employees (how he did this in a game of strip poker, I have no idea). At this point, Ralph picked up the mail, got to his mail truck, evicted a nest of evil squirrels, and started out on his mail route.
He was driving over the Cin-Day bridge which spans I-75, when he saw an ice cream truck driving the other way. Ralph started humming the Ice Cream Song, wishing he could be an ice cream truck driver. Indeed, he was wondering why he wasn't one when he remembered the whole episode with the restraining order, keeping him away from small children. Hmm.
As Ralph reached the Tylersville-CinDay intersection, the light turned red. He calmly pulled out his [Desert Eagle] and blasted the hell out of the traffic light, and smoothly cruised on through. The siren of the WCPD blared behind him, but Ralph stuck his head out the window and said, "Fuck you, beotch, I'm the mailman." The siren continued unrelenting. Ralph took a shot at the tires and tossed a box of Krispy Kremes out the other window, and the cop car swerved to track his new prey, temporarily forgetting the gun-toting mail maniac in his donut-crazed lust.
Reveling in his victory over the WCPD, Ralph was shocked and surprised when a white blast of light threw the postal truck off the side of the road, and suddenly..."
END CH1. Take it away. | | |
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